Erudition of a hypothetical hipopotamus

It is common for the human mind to paint everyone in the colors that it enjoys the most. I am in my late 20s and my friends/acquaintances are getting hitched at an exponential rate and few of them are even bringing new lives on the face of the earth and here I am sitting in my office and thinking about trivialities of life such as what to get for dinner today – Thai or a simple salad! Married people want you to get married and those with kids bring to the table the conspicuous advantages of getting married and having kids as early as possible. Sometime ago a single friend of mine was recounting an instance in which his other friends, who were married, were making a plan of going to some place with their spouse and then looked at the friend of mine derisively as if he has committed a social crime. He said “what can I do if I am not married”?

If I were in law and control department I would have arrested all such people who have been terrorizing singles for centuries. If I list down all the things said to me by these neoclassical professors of human life then one life wouldn’t be enough and terabytes of memory would be used. Here is one brave attempt from my fading memory:

  1. Why are you single? You are so great.
  2. You’ve to find the right girl yet.
  3. It will happen. Trust me! Life surprises you when you least expect it.
  4. Don’t you get lonely? NYC is such a great city and should be enjoyed with someone special.
  5. Do yo want me to set you up? I have a great friend who recently got divorced and finally got custody of her child. She might be few years elder to you but that shouldn’t bother you, should it?
  6. Are you active on Tinder or badoo?
  7. You are such a great catch to remain single.
  8. You should try online dating. Many of my couple friends met that way.
  9. Those women don’t deserve you.
  10. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
  11. You are just busy and focusing on few other aspects of your life right now.
  12. You should get a cat or a dog to keep you company.
  13. Most important thing to remember during this “difficult” time is that you should appreciate yourself and your qualities.
  14. So, if you live alone then you must binge watch Netflix and Hulu, No?
  15. I think getting married at right age is necessary for everyone(after flashing her diamond studded finger at me)
  16. Are you considering having a kid? You should. It brings a phenomenal dimension to your life.

My reply to all these atrocities has always been the same – an indifferent smile.

PS: The title of the post is totally irrelevant to the content. I just wanted to put something random.




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